Figuring it out...

I thought of something last night that probably won't make sense to a lot of people, but who cares. This is MY blog for MY thoughts.

I think the life I had in California is the one I would prefer over anything right now. I had a bestfriend, I knew where everything was, I had family, I had friends, I had limitless possibilities, I grew up in a great town, I really had a life I didn't need to or want to give up. But, sure I did. Living in St. Louis has taught me a lot and exposed me to a lot, but at the same time, I feel like a Palm tree uprooted from CA to live in FL. While it can belong in either place, it's still been uprooted.

I don't want what "was." But, I do realize that I need to be returned home.

When I look at myself now and compare it to the life I had, weigh the pro's/ cons, what I like, dislike, if I had to pick one moment to start life from here on out, it would be in California. There are people who like where they move and wouldn't change it and realize that's the life that's meant for them. This isn't for me. I do expect to return to California within 1-2 years. I was so close to returning this year, but now with the new job, I will get myself situated and then I can work from home anywhere. But, I just cannot see myself settling here... at least not now. It's just not for me.

At times, I think I would rather be alone and be near my family/friends/busy life because regardless, I'll be surrounded by love. I can commit to friends and family wholeheartedly instead of out of obligation, which I hate. I sometimes just feel that my life is meant to be there for others, alone, than to be there for 1 person for the rest of my life. Thanks Hollywood and thank you old-time traditions... We live in a time now where everyone has a chance to make the life they want.